DO NOT WAKE ME UP- Unless
by Cookiethife
Summary: Babe - I did not go to bed until 3 am, LET ME SLEEP UNLESS... Dick provides Wally a list of the only reasonable excuses to wake him up this morning. -Dick/Wally


**All right, I need to say that this entire story, idea, and concept 100% completely, fully, and entirely belongs to [and is dedicated to] RedAler98 on fanfiction. Net I take no credit and highly recommend reading their story as it is much better.**

During the shenanigans of the night before, Wally had fallen asleep before Dick. Now, waking up in, what he assumed to be the earlier hours of the morning, there was something sticky and cold on his face. He was afraid to open his eyes right away, so, instead, he was mentally preparing himself for what he could find. A pie, a lizard, a wad of wet paper towel dunked in honey, a dead frog the possibilities were endless-we're dealing with a bat here, never underestimate what they're capable of- for all he knew there was a hamster on his forehead, heck was he still even in Dick's bedroom? he could be on an air mattress in the middle of a lake in Louisiana maybe it was a fish on his face. He wouldn't put it past Dick, that kid was the master of disaster. On that thought, Wally finally opened his and found...

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was still in Wayne Manor in Dick's bed with the ebony pressed flush against him, only his soft hair visible.

Wally spent another minute staring before remembering the thing stuck on his face. He raised a cautious hand, careful not to wake Dick, and prepared for whatever it was to bite his arm off. Although, now that he had his eyes open it was pretty obvious it wasn't alive, but he wasn't taking any chances.

His fingered brushed over a piece of paper taped to him, he scoffed quietly, it was probably a kick me sign. He quickly took the note off his forehead, ripping it off like a band-aid. Rubbing his forehead he looked at the alarm clock on the table at the other side of the bed, 7:27 AM,

It was way too early for this.

He turned his attention back to the list, the really long list, was he supposed to read all this? he sighed and made his eyes focus on Dick's neat printing then started to read.

 _Babe -_

 _I did not get to bed until 4 am, LET ME SLEEP UNLESS:_

 _You're being strangled_

 _I'm being strangled_

 _You made me breakfast_

 _(edit: Alfred made me breakfast)_

 _You brought me flowers_

 _Or chocolate_

 _Or both_

 _You're ready to admit I'm always right_

 _Roys here_

 _Barbara's here_

 _You're leaving_

 _You fall out of bed_

 _It's the end of the world_

 _Actually, if the world's ending just let me sleep_

You _wake up in a new dimension_

 _You've solved why firetrucks are red_

 _You've figured out why the glue doesn't stick to the bottle_

 _Mattress arent on sale_

 _You're going to call pizza hut and ask for the number to dominos_

 _The earth is being invaded by aliens_

 _We've been abducted by said aliens_

 _We've abducted said aliens_

 _Donald Trump didn't actually win the election_

 _It's the zombie apocalypse_

 _Those two might be related_

 _You are changing your name to Waldo_

 _Alfreds a robot_

 _You're a robot_

 _I'm a robot_

 _You mess with something you shouldn't have_

 _Something that shouldn't have messed with you_

 _Bruce is getting married_

 _You're getting married_

 _I'm getting married_

 _We're getting married_

 _Anything to do with a wedding_

 _You're hearing voices_

 _I'm hearing voices_

 _You do something stupid and I need to slap you_

Y _ou're about to do something stupid and I will need to slap you_

 _The house is about to explode_

 _Or burn down_

 _Or flood_

 _They found us_

 _They figured out what was in the briefcase_

 _We're in the middle of a lake_

 _Bruce will let me drive the Batmobile_

 _You hear sounds from the attic and no one's there_

 _You've been arrested_

 _Roys has been arrested...again_

B _ruce is trying to kill you_

 _I'm trying to kill you_

 _The moon exploded_

 _My plan to make the moon explode works_

 _Blackberry phones start to work_

 _You lose your phone_

 _More importantly, you lose my phone_

 _You caught the Easter bunny_

 _The Easter bunny catches you_

 _You wake up with blue hair_

 _You wake up and I have blue hair_

 _We're being watched_

 _The wifi's down_

 _You find the body in the closet_

 _Glitter is everywhere_

 _You fell asleep here and wake up in California_

 _(Bring me back an orange)_

 _There's a pigeon in the Batcave_

 _I get a letter_

 _You find out who sends letters anymore_

 _You figure out what a VCR is_

 _They make another Godzilla movie_

 _You look out the window and see giant goldfish_

 _All the idiots in metropolis finally figure out Superman is Clark Kent and we need to go say 'told you so'_

 _You wake up and it's 1496_

 _You wake up and it's 6941_

 _It's winter and I need to move south_

 _It's safe to use the internet_

 _The Illuminati is real_

 _You prove the moon landing was faked_

 _You meet lizard people_

 _The earth really is flat_

 _If you wake me up for any other reason I will duct tape you like a mummy to a pullout couch and spray you with a hose then wait till you go numb and one strip at a time remove the duct tape._

 _And you won't get a kiss for three weeks._

 _If you even THINK about drawing on me with a marker I will paint you purple and make you stay like that._

 _-Dick_

Wally looked at the note for a long time, then looked back and forth between the peacefully sleeping Dick Grayson and the paper. He chuckled to himself and put the note on the table beside him, then he laid back down, throwing a protective arm over Dick, pulling him closer, and fell back asleep.


End file.
